Response to Another Blogger on Home vs. Public School

Over at Tammy’s I ran across her response to a Transforming Life center blog post about homeschooling vs. public school.  Before I read her self-described “book length” response, I posted my own.  Like Tammy, I’m posting it here on my own blog, as well.  After reading Tammy’s post, I am reminded once again of the great wisdom and reasonableness of her point(s) of view. 

Hi there,

Thought I’d accept the invitation and weigh in with some of my own takes.

First, let me say that my family’s reasons for home schooling are many, though entirely secular in nature.  I don’t begrudge anyone’s religious reasons for home schooling; such motivations are as valid as any other IMHO. 

I want to address some of your “cons.”

1. “The cons I see are that I have never seen it done consistently or well.” 

By many measures this could just as well be said about the public school system.  Public education in my own state (SC) really depends on where you happen to live; something I suspect holds true across the nation.  In fact, we actually live in one of if the “best” districts in our state as was recently pointed out to me in a conversation on home schooling.  I responded by asking how “best” is defined.  In the main, it is typically defined as test scores, with modern facilities, teacher qualifications, and perhaps ratios of kids going to college and amounts of college scholarship money won also thrown in. 

There is enough there to write a thesis on in rebuttal, but the bottom line is I don’t view my son as a statistic.  Yet, in the end, that is all either he or any other kid is viewed as by the system:  just another test taker.  No time for curiosity, REAL world problem solving, risk taking and community service, they’ve got to get prepared for a test, a high stakes test that determines their worth, and the worth of those “qualified” teachers.  

2.”It may just be the people I know, but I see haggard moms whose children don’t have a set schedule of learning time.”

I don’t doubt that you do.  But, have you only learned during “learning time?”  When I look back on my own life, it has been the most important things that I’ve learned just when I least expected to, and, notably, often from whom I least expected to. 

By the way, take a close look at the typical public school teacher and see if the stress and fatigue isn’t quite evident on many a haggard face and body language.  My own son sadly related to me one day that he didn’t think his first grade teacher was very happy.  “Really? What makes you say that?”  “Well, she yells a lot, and slams the door a lot, too.”  He had no idea of her “qualifications” or how highly rated his school was.  This same teacher told me he was “lagging” in personal and social development, since he “still shares stories with me and his classmates about his imaginary playmates.”  The truth is imagination gets in the way of “structured learning time.”  So, she had to eliminate it (or at least try to get the elimination process started) so he could get prepared for the tests his future held in store.  I often wonder how many JK Rawlings have been forever lost to the world because some first grade teacher demanded they “grow up” and forget their “imaginary playmates,” since they had to get prepared for the “real world” and learn what was pre-decided as important.

3. “Honestly, I would never have been able to teach English. I hated it in school and I would project that feeling I would think.”

My first reaction to this sentence was, “Why did she hate English?”  Was it because you were forced to “learn” it?  Was it because you weren’t interested in whatever was chosen for you to read?  Was it because you hated diagramming sentences, writing paragraphs, doing book reports or taking spelling tests? 

A lot falls under the big subject “English.”  You obviously write very well and clearly enough to communicate well-articulated thoughts in written form.  Your grammar looks fine to me.  Perhaps if you tried to teach your child what you hated so much, particularly how you were taught, it would be impossible to not convey that sentiment.  However, I have no doubt you are capable of teaching her how to be thoughtful and to communicate thoughtful positions, ideas and questions.  But it does occur to me that your feelings toward English are essentially impossible to hide regardless of the fact you’re not home schooling.

4. “I wonder about socialization. I see some home school groups who get together and do field trips and I think that’s great but I feel sad about the things missed. I think passing notes in class, playing hopscotch at recess and boys chase the girls are things kids miss out on.”

Socialization is probably the biggest question I get in conversations about home school.  Of course, these questions only come from folks who have never met my son, and upon closer scrutiny usually not met any actual home schooled child.  That may not be the case with you, so I’m not putting you in that crowd. 

We are lucky to live in a neighborhood overflowing with kids, and they can’t wait to get off the school bus where they find my son dutifully waiting for them for all kinds of kid’s games throughout the rest of the day.  That is, until they have to leave for homework.   But something funny happened the other day.  My son was handed a note by his buddy.  It was from a kid that lives several blocks away.  A copy is tacked above my desk, and here’s what it said:

Congratulations!!! (across the top)

your house is now

the capitl (sic) of the ARMy

aginst (sic) the bulllys (sic).

________________________________________________________

              agreement

you _____________________________

            Jimmy (the note sender)

            Alex

            Tomes (I think this should be Thomas)

            Zach B.

            Aaron

            Hunter

            John

            Drue

            peyton

            Zach S.

Putting aside for the moment these fourth graders’ worries about bullies (Something that is not near as dismissible today as it once was.), my child may not be “passing notes,” but they’re getting passed to him.  Most folks who read that note laugh and say something such as, “Aw!  Isn’t that cute?!?”  Not even my sister, a fifth grade teacher of 15 years, recognized the underlying motivation/situation that surely exists and prompted such an idea that elected my son’s house (outside of his presence or knowledge) as a “capitl” presumably necessary for an ARMy for these kids’ protection; if not a real situation, certainly perceived, a distinction not really important in my view.  Perhaps, it’s a case of “see no evil, hear no evil…” 

When I bring up this possibility, I have been told that dealing with bullies is just part of growing up.  But given the fact that I have not dealt once with a bully in my adult life after school, what a waste of time, energy and emotion it is for children and the system to contend with.  And how unnecessary and unproductive this aspect of “socialization” can be, counterproductive even, like so many others, which actually work against the stated goals of public school.  So, when people tout the socialization benefits of school, I am compelled to point out the often selective and romanticized notions of it, which leave out things like bullying, cliques, peer pressure, etc….  In the end, IMHO it is public school socialization, that is socialization by strangers, and one has to take the good with the bad.  For some, I suppose, the good outweighs the bad.  For others, I’m sure, it is the opposite. 

For me and my family, the decision to home school has proved to be one of the best we have ever made.  And this realization is in the context of having done it both ways.  Unlike the slavery/drudgery of a government dictated schedule and curriculum, for us everyday is different, pressure and stress have been much reduced and even eliminated in many areas of life, and we feel more and more free all the time.  Above all, our son is free to grow and learn naturally at his own pace according to his own interests.  Any teacher, home school parent or “formally trained” will tell you real learning only exists in the context of interest.  Motivation springs from that same well; we are motivated by what interests us.  Unfortunately, I see too many kids forced to learn things and in ways that are dictated which have no relation to their individual interests, goals, desires, etc… 

I’ll cut it off here.  I hope this is received in the spirit it is intended, that is as an honest exchange/response of ideas.  Nothing derogatory is meant here toward anyone or their personal choice(s). 

Best regards,

Manning

Aka StayatHomeSchoolDad